numbness

I try to feel, the laughter, the pain, the guilt, the shame
But nothing
Passes through my soul which is
A hole
For rotten
Corpses from my past, haunting me every moment
I feel like I’m dead inside but I still
Cry
Over things that mean nothing
Swirling my head in this
Four cornered room
And I’m praying that I should go mad
Then maybe if I felt something,
Saw something,
Held something
That’s what my soul never had
I’m wearing these glasses
But I still don’t see anything that stands
Because in front of me there’s these
Empty holed eyes
Of mine
Staring into my soulless half
Dangerously slipping on the edge of hope
And I’ve lost it
I’ve lost it

– D

I wrote this after listening to “hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me- but I have it” by Lana Del Ray while sobbing. I could never find the words to express this exact feeling but after listing to the melodies of that masterful piece, I poured my heart onto paper, even if it was cliché because its still true.